What an exiting weekend we have in front of us. Bells were going
off all over the place and grass and mud was everywhere and that was
only in Hamilton.
Oh and the Sharks travel to Cape Town to weather the Storm(ers).
But the talk of the town except for the robberies BY the banks, mostly unpleasant weather, a double dip in a plummeting economy and understaffed security companies the vibe in the UK is electric with the Olympic Games kicking off officially tonight at some ungodly hour.
The main question, however, was who will light up the flame tonight and how will it be done?
I wanted to put some money on a few bets with a good mix of English tradition and see if I could make some extra pounds off this hype, but none of my suggestions were even remotely on the bookies’ lists of options, so I thought maybe someone out there would want to give me some odds.
Initially I thought something traditional might be just the thing to hype up the... ahm... hype…
Kumar Ravikrishnan of the Curry Box in Little Snoring (Norfolk) could brew up some fiery samples of England’s national dish, force-feed a group of hungry football hooligans with a few spade-fulls and just make them walk past the torch just as the rumbling sounds of their innards become audible. A quick flick of a Bick and Top Johnny Banana, we have combustion. Apparently this would not get past the Health and Safety checks and could cause environmental damage, so it was shot down “in flames” so to speak.
The next attempt was to have Graham Gooch run naked into the arena, with only a cricket bat covering his “wickets” with a helium balloon tied to his… ahm… wickets. This balloon would rub against his moustache constantly and as he runs past the torch, waving excitedly to the crowd, a spark of static electricity would light up the night.
I also thought that putting Hugh Grant in a car with a horny, albeit ugly prostitute, could warm up the atmosphere, but apparently he would struggle to drive and might lose a few inches at the time of ignition.
The Queen of England also came to mind. The suggestion was a lavish carriage covered in faux fur and a white piano, but I was told Candle in the wind brings back too many sad memories. Sorry Elton.
I then wanted Wills to fly his chopper over the stadium, with Harry and his fiery head of hair swinging upside-down on a rope below the aircraft. If that doesn’t get the flame going, nothing will.
One of the most dangerous possibilities, however, would have been to set up a kitchen close to the torch. Get a few burger flippers from McDonald’s, Steers or Wimpy and tell Gordon Ramsay they are competing in master chef and he needs to coach them. I was then told that whatever would flow from Chef Ramsay’s mouth would burn down most of London, so the answer was an emphatic NO!!
But let’s be realistic. The only way to get the flame going, which would not only be effective, but also classy and inspiring, is a pair of skin tight pants. A red rose in the buttonhole of a sports jacket, fill it with Pippa Middleton and ask her to curtsy at the right moment…
Groete uit die woestyn en van al die Arabiere
H of Arabia
Oh and the Sharks travel to Cape Town to weather the Storm(ers).
But the talk of the town except for the robberies BY the banks, mostly unpleasant weather, a double dip in a plummeting economy and understaffed security companies the vibe in the UK is electric with the Olympic Games kicking off officially tonight at some ungodly hour.
The main question, however, was who will light up the flame tonight and how will it be done?
I wanted to put some money on a few bets with a good mix of English tradition and see if I could make some extra pounds off this hype, but none of my suggestions were even remotely on the bookies’ lists of options, so I thought maybe someone out there would want to give me some odds.
Initially I thought something traditional might be just the thing to hype up the... ahm... hype…
Kumar Ravikrishnan of the Curry Box in Little Snoring (Norfolk) could brew up some fiery samples of England’s national dish, force-feed a group of hungry football hooligans with a few spade-fulls and just make them walk past the torch just as the rumbling sounds of their innards become audible. A quick flick of a Bick and Top Johnny Banana, we have combustion. Apparently this would not get past the Health and Safety checks and could cause environmental damage, so it was shot down “in flames” so to speak.
The next attempt was to have Graham Gooch run naked into the arena, with only a cricket bat covering his “wickets” with a helium balloon tied to his… ahm… wickets. This balloon would rub against his moustache constantly and as he runs past the torch, waving excitedly to the crowd, a spark of static electricity would light up the night.
I also thought that putting Hugh Grant in a car with a horny, albeit ugly prostitute, could warm up the atmosphere, but apparently he would struggle to drive and might lose a few inches at the time of ignition.
The Queen of England also came to mind. The suggestion was a lavish carriage covered in faux fur and a white piano, but I was told Candle in the wind brings back too many sad memories. Sorry Elton.
I then wanted Wills to fly his chopper over the stadium, with Harry and his fiery head of hair swinging upside-down on a rope below the aircraft. If that doesn’t get the flame going, nothing will.
One of the most dangerous possibilities, however, would have been to set up a kitchen close to the torch. Get a few burger flippers from McDonald’s, Steers or Wimpy and tell Gordon Ramsay they are competing in master chef and he needs to coach them. I was then told that whatever would flow from Chef Ramsay’s mouth would burn down most of London, so the answer was an emphatic NO!!
But let’s be realistic. The only way to get the flame going, which would not only be effective, but also classy and inspiring, is a pair of skin tight pants. A red rose in the buttonhole of a sports jacket, fill it with Pippa Middleton and ask her to curtsy at the right moment…
Groete uit die woestyn en van al die Arabiere
H of Arabia
